Dear name dropper,
You think you're so clever. You've got it all figured out: "I'll ask about someone who works there to show I have connections, then he'll let me in for sure!" False. Unless you know me or currently have my boss on the phone, you might as well go play in traffic. Great, you might have friends who work her, but do I look like a friendly guy right now? The answer is no, dickweed. I work from 10pm to 4am and I have to clean up tampons, vomit, and lost dignity; I don't have any friends for the next few hours. I hope you have good health insurance if you have the audacity to ask me if another door guy is working. "Hey man, is Joe working tonight?" Do I fucking look like Joe? Do you think Joe pulled a Silence of the Lambs and is just trying to trick you by wearing someone else's face? Again, you worthless afterbirth, the answer is no. If Joe is not sitting right where I am sitting, he is clearly not at work. Even if you do know Joe, the fucks I give exist about as much as a leprechaun riding a flying narwal. It's not my problem. Move your sorry self out of line before I shove my foot so far up your doodoo puss that you can taste my filthy shoe.
Sincerely,
The Angry Door Guy
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